31 and Trying to Love It
This year I turned 31 on my Birthday. I like to think that aging doesn't bother me, but for the last several years each approaching birthday has gotten progressively more difficult.
If I were to guess the reason why it would be because- I always imagined by this time in my life I would have been a better person. I would finally become to person I want to be. Those goals I have for myself will finally be reached. Yet, each year comes and goes and I still seem to struggle with the same flaws I have always had.
It has taken 31 years, but I am beginning to understand that these flaws will probably be with my for my entire life and the only thing I can do is continue to strive to conquer them and keep them in check. Perhaps I will one day even be able to say with a smile "My birthday is coming??? Bring it on!"
This year along with my usual moaning and groaning about aging I had many other emotions to make for a pretty up and down, but overall good day.
To start with, I had traveled to Rexburg with my mother, father and sister to attend my uncle's funeral. The morning of my birthday, my parents came to pick Aimee and me up for my uncle's funeral. My parents came in the room singing "Happy Birthday" with the cutest little fruit tart desert I have ever seen. It was so small a single grape fit on top. I loved it. It was so sweet of them to start my birthday off this way. Thanks mom and dad.
The morning's joy was quickly changed as we attended the funeral of my uncle Dave. It was very difficult to contain my emotions as I watched my Aunt and cousins. I realized they would have to spend the rest of their lives without their husband/father -a blessing I take for granted in my own life. I am older than all of these cousins. I can't imagine losing my dad at such a young age. All funerals are sad to me, but this one was especially sad for me. I had many different emotions and questions about life and death and the eternities go through me as I sat and listened to the service.
After the funeral we went to the luncheon. While my parents were visiting I went out to the hallway to let Brigham and Kaiya release some energy before our drive to Utah. They were busy playing with several of my cousin's children. I feel mixed emotions remember laughing when it is associated with such a sad day, but Kaiya did the cutest thing while she was playing with the other kids. It still makes me laugh when I remember it.
There were three little boys they would line up on one end of the hallway. They would each take a turn saying "I am a monster" and then let our a deep growl-RAHHHHH! and take off running down the hallway. After a few rounds of this little episode Kaiya joined in. The first little boy, Liam yelled-"I am a monster-RAHHH! and took off running. Then Issac stepped up yelled "I am a monster-RAHHHH! and took of running, then Brigham stepped up yelled "I am a monster-RAHHHHH! and took off running. Finally Kaiya stepped up and yelled in her little voice "I am a Princess--RAHHHHH! and took off running. It still makes me laugh when I remember it.
After the luncheon we drove to Utah to meet with Caleb and stay over night in Tooele before we drove back to Reno. On the way, we stopped at a rest stop to let the little kids run for a minute. I was filled with thankfulness for my father. He is such a fantastic grandpa. Rather then just letting the little kids run and play alone he took the time to play with them. He played Ring around the Rosie's with them and then gave them each horsey rides. It takes a special Grandpa to crawl around in public on the grass in his suit until each grandchild has had one, two or even three chances to ride on the horsey. Perhaps it was especially tender because of the funeral we had just left, but I was overwhelmed with thankfulness and happiness at the blessing of having my dad in my own and also my children's lives.
After we arrived in Utah Caleb met us at Bombay House (one of my favorite restaurants) to celebrate my birthday. It was great to see Caleb. Although I was only away for week I still miss him a lot when we are apart. Brigham and Kaiya were not expecting to see him, so when they walked in and saw Caleb waiting there for us they kept looking at him and saying "it's dad, it's dad" apparently they missed him too.
To sum it all up, it was an emotionally up and down day. I had a lot of thoughts cross my mind. Many of the thoughts revolved around life, death, joys and sorrows, and the blessings of the eternal family. There were no presents, no cake and only a single candle but I gained so much insight in one day. I got to experience such a spectrum of emotions-love, sadness, laughter, thankfulness, anticipation, reunion and many more all on a single day.
For spending so much time dreading my birthdays I will always love how appropriate it is that on a day set aside to celebrate birth, I was taught so much about living.
These kids were soooooooo excited to ride on Thomas. They were glued to the fence waiting for their turn. 
Thanks mom and dad for a super fun reunion. We look forward to next year. There are not too many pictures because we were so busy having fun.
Caleb showing off his "prize" potbelly. He is pretty proud of it.
The other wildlife we spied wasn't quite so grand. Although Brigham was quite fascinated with the slug.
